December 16th, 2009

[vvpurplerosevv] scar_myself Time: 02:14 am Current Mood: numb

I was having such a great freakin day. I got all my christmas shopping done. Everything was going so great. I even saw my mom and brother and sister for the first time in MONTHS! and she had bought me a precious moments snow globe and i love precious moments, they are so cute. I mean it was one of the best days I've had in a long time. And even patrick and I were playing around and talking and then we were having a great freakin conversation and i lay my head on my hand and my sleeve uncovered my wrist and showed a few of my scars and he's like "eww that's ugly. cover that shit up. I hate when you show those stupid things. You know you're fucking stupid for doing that. It's so fucking dumb. who the fuck would be dumb enough to want to fucking cut. you should just leave cuz i don't wanna look at you anymore. they make you look so fucking ugly." I couldn't believe he said that to me..I just started crying on the pillow. and I told him he was a horrible boyfriend and I hated him and him talking to me like that just makes me wanna do it even more. And he said he doesn't make me do anything. He was like "you're the dumb one who's like Oh look at me i'm gonna cut myself." I was like "why would you be such an asshole about it you should try to be understanding." He's like what I'm i supposed to be happy that you cut? I'm I supposed to jump for joy and i'm like no. I just didn't know what else to say. He just kept making mean remarks and talking crap about me. And then he just told me to leave. I just couldn't believe it. I mean i get that he doesn't want me to do it. But why the fuck would anyone attack someone like that especially someone that you supposedly love. someone you've been with for 5 years. You're supposed to be their support. Their shoulder to cry one. The reason they smile. The person to catch them if they fall. their best friend. I couldn't believe he just attacked me and kept on going at it. Knowing he was hurting me. yet he just kept on doing it. He wouldn't stop. He didn't even care. How could someone purposely hurt someone like that especially when they're already so broken...I HATE HIM!

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December 11th, 2009

[vvpurplerosevv] scar_myself Subject: seriously?!? Time: 11:51 pm Current Mood: angry

I swear to fucking god! I'm fucking done talking to people. I can't have a fucking opinion. I can't speak my mind. I can't be me or else I have a fucking attitude or i'm "in a mood". I have to be miss fucking nice nice with no feelings. I'm fucking done. I hate people. I fucking hate everyone. I HAVE A FUCKING OPINION. I AM FUCKING HONEST. IF I DON'T FUCKING CARE I'LL TELL YOU IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THEN WHEY THEY FUCK DO YOU CALL YOURSELF MY FRIEND!! I let ppl be themselves I encourage people being honest weither they say something I don't like or not. Everyone's allowed their own opinion but no not me. I can't do that no it's fucking forbidden. I don't fucking get it. I speak my mind. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I'm honest to the bone. I'm sorry you don't fucking like it but that doesn't mean i have a fucking attitude. the only reason I get one is because you tell me I have one. You piss me off. I'm done. Don't fucking talk to me if You want me to pretend like i have no opinion, like i'm not allowed to think for myself. Like I have to like everything you say and everything you do. FUCK YOU. I do what I want and say what i want because that's how I feel because I have a fucking mind and I speak it. Don't hate me because you can't do the same. Because you're afraid to hurt ppl's feelings....*takes a deep breath*. okay i feel better now. ^-^

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December 9th, 2009

[kyemito] scar_myself Time: 04:32 pm

i wish i could... be stronger than this urge stop for good be happy tell them ENOUGH

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December 7th, 2009

[twilighter1991] scar_myself Time: 01:21 pm

My mom died, and I promised her I wouldn't cut anymore. But I want to, so fucking bad....It's like an addiction. I crave the stinging burning...Fuck I want it so bad...It's like a drug...I just found out my friend cuts, and I'm afraid to ask to see his scars, because I know it will make me want it more...I'm a true cutter...and I really don't care...I just want to bleed again.

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